GrammaHoney

My oldest son left home at 17 and joined the military. He's 22 now and has never been stationed anywhere near home, and has only been able to come home about 3 times since he left. We've gone to him for several visits, but it's always at least a two day drive. I just got word that not only will he, his wife and 3 babies be home for Christmas this year, but he will now be stationed 6 hours from home. Did ya get that??? 6 HOURS....not 2 days!!! Whoooo hooooo!!!!! They will actually be arriving early in November and have to be at their duty station by the 2nd of December....but 6 HOURS AWAY means that he will be able to bring his entire family home for Christmas! And I can drive over to spend weekends anytime instead of going a year between visits! I haven't seen the two older boys in almost a year and the new baby is only a month old.....I can't WAIT to get my hand on him!!!

HOW could I have forgotten how heart-wrenching it is to take a baby's bottle away???????? Last night was Katie's first night without a bottle. It was HORRIBLE!! I felt so sorry for her, and so mean. She SCREAMED. She CRIED. She BEGGED......and I felt like the meanest gramma in the world. I cried right along with her. I kissed, patted, rocked, told her I loved her....she was inconsolable. She told Pawpaw on me several times, and I almost gave in a couple of times, but decided it would just be harder to convince her later on to give it up if I gave in now. She quieted down after about a half hour. The screaming and crying stopped but it still took her about another half hour to settle down and go to sleep. About 6 this morning she woke up and started begging again. I laid back down next to her and tried to console her some more, but she's still MAJOR LEAGUE pissed at me. Broke my heart.

By the time Katie settled down from her ice cream high last night and finally asked for a bottle and told her daddy nite nite, D was already asleep. It was only about 9, so I left the tv on. There was some chick flick with Julia Stiles on, something about a prince from Denmark. Katie was doing her usual, suck the bottle a minute, pat my face and kiss me, talk to herself, suck the bottle thing. Every once in a while she'd say "pawpaw" and I'd say "shhhhhh....pawpaw's nite nite". She got really quiet for a few minutes and I thought she was finally asleep. There was a parade going on in the movie and people started cheering and clapping. All of a sudden Katie the dropped the bottle and started clapping...scared the crap outta me, I thought she was asleep. From then on every time she heard clapping or horses hooves in the movie, she'd clap. By this time I had to pee so bad I could hardly be still, but I knew if I got up before she went to sleep she'd get up with me or raise such a fuss that she'd wake up pawpaw and her daddy sleeping across the hall. So here we went again...suck the bottle, pat my face and kiss me, turn over and talk to pawpaw. Me: "shhhhhh....pawpaw's nite nite". "Nite Nite Katie"...after about the 10th "Nite Nite Katie", she turned to me, handed me her bottle and put her tiny finger to her lips and said "shhhhhh....pawpaw's nite nite" I almost busted out laughing then. She got really quiet and still and once again, I thought she'd finally gone to sleep. About the time I started to ease her off my arm so I could go to the bathroom, a horse appeared on the tv screen, Katie sat straight up in the bed and yelled **"MOOOOOOOO" to the top of her lungs.....I did bust out laughing that time. Why we didn't manage to wake up D with all the commotion, I'll never know, but he just kept right on snoring. And here we went again....suck the bottle, pat my face and kiss me, babble to herself...Me: "shhhhhh....Nite Nite Katie" again quiet and still for a few minutes....then so quietly I almost didn't hear her she said "Nite Nite pawpaw" D: snooooorrrrrreeeee, Katie patted him on the arm and said a little louder "Nite Nite pawpaw" D: snoooorrrreeee. Katie then slapped the crap outta D's arm...crawled up and kissed him on the face and yelled "NITE NITE PAWPAW" and laid back down next to him. Very quietly D said "Nite Nite Katie". I think she was asleep before he even got it all out of his mouth.

**Katie LOVES cows. Every evening when we get home from work she looks at D and says "Mooooo" That means take me to see the cows. So we get in the truck and drive out to the pastures to see the cows, and of course, there are horses too, but she hasn't learned the difference yet.

***The photo is a few months old but I thought it was appropriate

I watched anxiously as she walked carefully down the side of the track and onto the football field toward the lined up chairs in front of a latticework backdrop decorated in red, black and silver with a huge 2005 across the top. She looked so tiny way down there. So vulnerable. I prayed she wouldn't trip in those impossibly high heeled shoes. I fought back tears as she scanned the stands, I knew she was looking for me. I waved, but it was so crowded she couldn't see me. As the others filled the row in front of her she disappeard. So much smaller than the rest of them, all I could see was the top of her head with the funny hat. Then there was a break in the crowd in front of her and she was grinning. A huge smile spread across her face as she blew me a kiss. I almost lost it then. She'd worked so hard to get here and it was finally her night to shine. It seemed an eternity till all the speeches were done and it was finally her turn to come forward and receive the thing she'd worked so hard for. Again I was praying that she wouldn't trip in those silly shoes she'd insisted on wearing to walk across that football field. As she stepped up the podium, instead of paying attention to what was being said to her, she turned again, diploma in hand and blew another kiss at me and waved. That was it, nothing could stop the tears. They came in rivers. I still can't believe that that was my baby down there graduating from high school. My last baby and my only little girl. She's all grown up now, and I'm not at all sure I like that one bit. I want her to go back to kindergarten and start all over. I just want to grab on to her and never let her go. I know it's the beginning of a new chapter in her life, a chapter that I won't be as involved in. I just hope that she knows how much I love her and how very proud of her that I am. I've told her all her life that there's a great big world out there....go and find your place. Now I wish I'd kept my big fat mouth shut.